been thinking...

"I’ll meet you back at the house," I said, taking control of our cart.

Jade nodded. She was about to walk away and pretend we weren’t going through anything particularly difficult or strange. She still had a deep desire to pretend once in a while that we, like everyone else, were essentially separate. But she stopped herself and said, “I won’t be long.”

"You know what I think?" I said. "Here’s what: if the world ended right now, I’d be happy I got to spend as much time with you as I have. I’m not modern or sophisticated, but I really do want you to do what you want, what you think is best. Because when you’re most like yourself, something good always comes of it."

I read Endless Love a few weeks back, belatedly and finally on my friend Marchelle’s unshakeable insistence. It was fortuitous, I think, that I found it at this age. In this approaching winter of the first half of my life, when I can relate to David only as a sort of fading apparition. Myself in some time-jaundiced snapshot taken at Trout Lake Camp, 20 years prior. Familiar but detached. Me but not so much a part of me anymore.

It is lucky to be where I can love a book like this but not be bent or drowned by it as a siren or an unrelenting call for discontent.

This is a passing of sorts, I want to explain to you. A passage, for beautiful better and for sad, practical worse: when we have aged far enough not to be undone by a particular sort of novel but still to remember some fresh cut, green stemmed, selfish version of ourselves that would have been.

To appreciate the fiercely, gorgeously, almost relate-able and still, keep our balance. To hold steady.

It’s almost as good a thing now as being swept away was then.

  1. zestyyzeng reblogged this from beenthinking
  2. anklets reblogged this from keepingcomposure
  3. dearascal reblogged this from thiscaravangirl
  4. thiscaravangirl reblogged this from keepingcomposure
  5. keepingcomposure reblogged this from beenthinking
  6. payydayy-parade reblogged this from beenthinking
  7. beenthinking posted this