“I’ll meet you back at the house,” I said, taking control of our cart.
Jade nodded. She was about to walk away and pretend we weren’t going through anything particularly difficult or strange. She still had a deep desire to pretend once in a while that we, like everyone else, were essentially separate. But she stopped herself and said, “I won’t be long.”
“You know what I think?” I said. “Here’s what: if the world ended right now, I’d be happy I got to spend as much time with you as I have. I’m not modern or sophisticated, but I really do want you to do what you want, what you think is best. Because when you’re most like yourself, something good always comes of it.”
I read Endless Love a few weeks back, belatedly and finally on my friend Marchelle’s unshakeable insistence. It was fortuitous, I think, that I found it at this age. In this approaching winter of the first half of my life, when I can relate to David only as a sort of fading apparition. Myself in some time-jaundiced snapshot taken at Trout Lake Camp, 20 years prior. Familiar but detached. Me but not so much a part of me anymore.
It is lucky to be where I can love a book like this but not be bent or drowned by it as a siren or an unrelenting call for discontent.
This is a passing of sorts, I want to explain to you. A passage, for beautiful better and for sad, practical worse: when we have aged far enough not to be undone by a particular sort of novel but still to remember some fresh cut, green stemmed, selfish version of ourselves that would have been.
To appreciate the fiercely, gorgeously, almost relate-able and still, keep our balance. To hold steady.
It’s almost as good a thing now as being swept away was then.
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