September 14, 2009
There are things I am realizing lately that are almost too vulnerable or Pollyanna-ish to share.  But if I can’t talk about them here, what the hell good is this Tumblr, right? Three decades of living and I am just starting to understand how amazing the concept of Every Next Day is.  I’m palpably humbled by the grace of this morning – its willingness and capacity to forgive me the mistakes I made yesterday, to relieve me of my minor embarrassment or guilt or disappointments.  To reassure me over and over – “Let it go. Release it.  Let it be done.” Even more, I can’t believe this day’s perpetual, Technicolor, unrestrained potential to let me do better today.  Every damn new day.  Every single day I can wake up, recognize the emotional or spiritual hangover of yesterday, what it needs to teach me to avoid or work harder at today and then let it fall away. I can pad out to the living room and kneel on the soft white rug and focus on the beauty of the days behind me, strung out like prayer beads. What I learned, where I went, the conversations I had, how I grew stronger, the little words that brought so much joy, the Good things I chose, the love I received, the times I was able to be still.  And then I can form the better path I need to choose for these 24 hours ahead, identify the potholes that tripped me up yesterday, which I have no desire to fall in again today.  I can recognize how I feel about my actions and how I might feel if I had made another decision.  Without judgment, without closing a chapter. And with those things in my hand, what is not possible? I have the grace to learn from shortcomings or behavior that does not represent who I want to be or painful choices and leave them behind.  Today and tomorrow. I can take the lessons and accomplishments and happiness of the past and build on them. And I own every possibility to live a Good Life today regardless of what I encounter. It’s unbelievably simple and yet, this understanding has taken so long to walk toward.  You can’t imagine how grateful I feel to be living in this place of grace and decision instead of guilt and the vain search for control.

There are things I am realizing lately that are almost too vulnerable or Pollyanna-ish to share.  But if I can’t talk about them here, what the hell good is this Tumblr, right?

Three decades of living and I am just starting to understand how amazing the concept of Every Next Day is.  I’m palpably humbled by the grace of this morning – its willingness and capacity to forgive me the mistakes I made yesterday, to relieve me of my minor embarrassment or guilt or disappointments.  To reassure me over and over – “Let it go. Release it.  Let it be done.”

Even more, I can’t believe this day’s perpetual, Technicolor, unrestrained potential to let me do better today.  Every damn new day.  Every single day I can wake up, recognize the emotional or spiritual hangover of yesterday, what it needs to teach me to avoid or work harder at today and then let it fall away.

I can pad out to the living room and kneel on the soft white rug and focus on the beauty of the days behind me, strung out like prayer beads. What I learned, where I went, the conversations I had, how I grew stronger, the little words that brought so much joy, the Good things I chose, the love I received, the times I was able to be still.  And then I can form the better path I need to choose for these 24 hours ahead, identify the potholes that tripped me up yesterday, which I have no desire to fall in again today.  I can recognize how I feel about my actions and how I might feel if I had made another decision.  Without judgment, without closing a chapter.

And with those things in my hand, what is not possible? I have the grace to learn from shortcomings or behavior that does not represent who I want to be or painful choices and leave them behind.  Today and tomorrow. I can take the lessons and accomplishments and happiness of the past and build on them. And I own every possibility to live a Good Life today regardless of what I encounter.

It’s unbelievably simple and yet, this understanding has taken so long to walk toward.  You can’t imagine how grateful I feel to be living in this place of grace and decision instead of guilt and the vain search for control.